I Know It's Early, But There's Always Room for Pessimism

The Orioles lost to the Red Sox for the second straight day, and although the season is only (almost) five days old, there are already plenty of reasons to think the Orioles are going to be awful for a ninth straight year. Of course, the first reason is because Peter Angelos is the owner. But that's true every season. Let's run through the pitching staff and lineup to discover why Baltimore sucks.

Rodrigo Lopez: A pitcher who will give a team more than 30 starts and 230 innings a year. I'ts just a shame when said pitcher's ERA is more than 4.50.
Erik Bedard: Potential ace of this staff who does a good job throwing strikes and getting batters out. He's an onery fellow, who finds it difficult to get along with his pitching coach and catcher.
Kris Benson: Had a great first start. Who knows how well he'll fare this season? He's an unknown right now.
Daniel Cabrera: Last night's line: 1.1 innings pitched, seven walks. The capsulated story of Cabrera's short career. He can't throw strikes, so teams score early and often against him. He can rarely get past the fifth inning.
Bruce Chen: A soft-tossing lefty who may be the only pitcher worth anything in this rotation.

Onto the lineup ...

Brian Roberts: Abbreviated spring training is showing so far this season. He's under everything, sending a lot of pop ups and fly balls to the outfield. Can't get on base.
Nick Markakis: Rookie phenom who was roping everything in spring training. He's been rolling over everything so far this year. Has a great eye, draws walks, but grounds out too much so far.
Melvin Mora: Proving Peter Angelos correct so far this year by not signing him to an extension. He's pretty much been useless in the first five games.
Miguel Tejada: Making solid contact and getting on base. But since no one is getting on in front of him, he's not driving in runs.
Jay Gibbons: Double play Jay will swing at junk. Easy strike out victim. Also has a tendency to pop up. He won't offer Tejada much protection in the lineup.
Kevin Millar: Straight pull hitter. He's been getting on base because he has a good eye and can foul off pitches. Too bad he's so slow, or he could hit in the No. 2 spot.
Javy Lopez: Stroke doesn't appear to be back yet. He may have to move up to the No. 5 hole soon, though, for Tejada's sake.
Jeff Conine: Old, and it shows. He's behind everything. A major liability at the plate.
Luis Matos: Who knows from game to game? He's fine in the ninth spot. Just leave him here.

So there you have it. The recipe for NO success.