Before we get into the infamous and highly anticipated sundry topic, please be aware that the post below this is new and includes my one-sentence analysis of every NBA team. Very entertaining. Very informative. Very contrary to Bill Simmons, a New England sports fan and glorified sports "columnist." In reality, he's more of an uber-nerd, who, while often humorous, is so biased by his allegiance to his Boston teams that he fails to come off as credible a grand majority of the time. But, ESPN.com wanted a fan's-eye view, and that's what they got. At least he's delivering on the goods he promised.
Mount up, all, onto the horse Sundry ...
1) Washington Redskins running back Clinton Portis has eliminated the over-the-top, vaguely transexual show costumes from his weekly press conference. It's apparently making national rounds. Click here. Also check out this poll.
2) You think you've experienced pain, and to a lesser extent, extreme annoyance? Quit your complaining. It seems that a beetle knawing away at your ear drum is a source of pain more excruciating than tearing up the insides of your knee. Leave it to athletes, though, to ridicule a friend and teammate in his time of need. They're calling the kid Beetle Juice.
3) And in this corner standing at an unknown, but almost assuredly diminutive, height, is awful slasher pic director Uwe Boll. In the other corner a cornucopia of movie reviewers who continue to berate Boll's talents as a director. That's right, Boll boxed his critics (and knocked out all of them). Oh, and in case you were having an anxiety attack about it, here's some video of one of the fights. It's pretty inelegant and unrefined, but compared to a lot of the boxing going on today, it's top flight. Or should I say top fight? I know. Good joke.
4) A color commentator will ref the middle period of an exhibition NHL game. I like this idea. Maybe it would give other sports fatheads a perspective on the game and difficulty of officiating a professional sporting event.
5) In NBA news, the Orlando Magic's Dwight Howard, a 20-year-old beyond his years in terms of talent and adaptation to the NBA, has predicted that the Magic will win the NBA championship this season. I guess he, Ricky Williams and Terrell Owens have been socializing together, enjoying a grab bag of narcotics. Don Nelson, the new -- and past -- Golden State Warriors coach, says free throws are his biggest concern for the team this season. I don't want to burst Nelson's optimism or challenge his coaching acumen, but I think free throws are the least of his worries with that unsettled team. First the Sacramento Kings wouldn't resign Bonzi Wells. Now, the assistant coach is suing his brother over a car wash. The Memphis Grizzlies are lowering ticket prices obstensibly to regain some of the attendance they lost last season. It's more likely the price of admission needs to be reduced because the team will be playing without All-Star Pau Gasol for two to three months.
6) Orioles pitcher Daniel Cabrera nearly no-hit the New York Yankees last night. Cabrera is an enigma with boundless talent who dominated such an impressive collection of stars. Cabrera was the first individual pitcher in 25 years to take a no-hitter into the ninth inning against the Yankees.
7) Finally today, do you remember Heath Shuler? I know Redskins fans do. He was the absolute bust of a quarterback, who was annointed the savior of the team by Norv Turner. In hindsight, trusting Norv's judgment was utter folly. But guess what? Now Skins fans are taking aim at Shuler's campaign for a seat in the U.S. House of Representatives from North Carolina in this entertaining video. (Props to Dan Steinberg and his Washington Post blog, called the Sports Bog, for bringing this to my attention.) Here's another attack ad. Here's the Web site dedicated to undermining Shuler's attempt at political office. Shuler seems to be in good humor about it, but it didn't take long for that first joke to materialize: "If Shuler tried to pass a bill, would it be intercepted?"
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